Deleriase
DISCLAIMER
Deleriase is a psychiatric medication. It interacts with each brain differently. Side effects are rare, but can include depression, suicidal ideation, loss of appetite, headaches, and others. Consult a doctor if you experience any of these side effects for more than 48 hours.
INTRODUCTION
Hello! Congratulations on taking the step of applying to be prescribed Deleriase, the world’s only known happiness drug that actually works. We understand that it is not an easy thing to admit you are less happy than you would like to be. There has come to be a lot of misinformation and cultural shame around the need for happiness in our lives.
The truth is, without the intervention of a drug like Deleriase, a person’s happiness level is difficult to change. Research has clearly shown that some brains have a higher level of baseline happiness than others. Money, Sex, Status, Children—these things can move happiness levels temporarily, but brains tend to return to baseline levels of happiness within a matter of months.
That means that Happiness is another form of privilege. Some have it, some don’t, for no good reason. Happiness privilege is one of the great, unspoken inequalities of our modern world.
Until now.
We are here to help you achieve the exact level of happiness that you desire, and maintain that happiness as you move through your life. There’s no reason anyone should suffer sustained unhappiness, and now you won’t have to.
All we ask is that you be honest with us in the questionnaire below. You are unlikely to talk yourself out of getting the drug—Most patients who want Deleriase will be helped by it. But dosing and tailoring of the drug molecule to your specific brain can be tricky things to figure out. Answering honestly, in conjunction with the brain scans you’ve already done, will help make sure we get your medication correct.
It will help if you can answer the questions in detail. Our algorithms have the ability to process natural language and are designed to handle complex information. Try to answer like you would if you were talking to a friend.
Please note that all answers are strictly confidential, protected by law. We do not share information with anyone. When you are ready, click the button below to begin:
BEGIN
*****
QUESTIONAIRE
NAME: Peter Dearrick
DATE OF BIRTH: 7/9/24
GENDER: Decline to Answer
Why are you seeking Deleriase?
I have a really good life on paper. I have a loving wife and a stable marriage. I have two healthy children who love me. I have a stable income from the Universal Income Replacement Act. I like to play guitar and I have some friends I play with regularly. I can’t figure out what about my life could actually change to make me happier, so I think there’s something wrong with my brain. I’m not miserable or depressed—I am happier than not—but this is not how I want to feel.
2) How long have these feelings persisted?
I honestly have trouble remembering. I had a recent burst of happiness, in the last couple of years, but I don’t remember exactly what caused it, and somehow it didn’t seem satisfying. It was like it was fake. Before that it’s even harder to say. I always think I used to be happier, but when I think of any specific time in my life, I’m not sure I was. It’s also hard because I do a lot of pretending that I’m happier than I actually am, and it gets confusing to remember how much is true and how much isn’t. I guess most of my life.
3) On a scale of 1-100, how happy do you feel now?
51. I’m happier than not, but barely.
4) On a scale of 1-100, how happy have you felt in general in the past two weeks?
51.
5) Have you ever been treated for clinical depression? If so, when and for how long?
No.
6) Do you have sex as often as you’d like to?
More than I’d like to, really. I’m not the most sexual person. My wife has a higher sex drive than I do, and it’s sometimes been a problem in our marriage. She’s also happier than me, and sometimes she says that if I had sex more I’d be happier, but for some reason I don’t want to. It just feels like too much effort to initiate it and follow through.
7) On a scale of 1-100, how happy do you feel during and after sex?
During, 51. Right at the end, 60. Afterwards, 51.
8) Do you have experiences that produce feelings of joy? If so, what activities produce these experiences?
I don’t really know what that feels like, so I guess I have to say no. I like taking my kids for walks in the woods, but what I really feel then is relief more than joy. I know I’m being a good dad when I do it, and that’s important to me, but mostly instead of looking at the woods I’m looking at my kids and thinking about how I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, and I don’t think that’s joy. When I play guitar I forget myself, but that still just feels like relief of something more than a positive emotion. I have this idea that joy should feel like its welling up in my chest and taking me over, but I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that, at least not that I can remember. Emotions are things I work at, not things that happen to me.
9) On a scale of 1-100, how happy do you feel when engaging in these activities?
51.
10) Have you sought talk therapy in the past? If so, what caused you to seek therapy?
I have been in therapy several times before in my life. I underwent court-ordered therapy after getting in a number of fights as a teenager. I voluntarily returned to therapy years later because I struggled to keep a romantic relationship for longer than a year. Then about seven years ago, I was laid off from my job as a programmer because the A.I.-programmers had gotten so good that I was obsolete. I was offered free counseling with an A.I.-therapist during that transition, and found that to be helpful in adjusting to the new economic reality.
11) What is an ideal day for you?
I know what I’m supposed to say, but I don’t think I know how I actually feel. With the Basic Income, I could do almost anything. I could move my family to another country and go to the beach every day. I could start a farm, or counsel the dying, or raise poodles, but it all just feels sort of the same. When I met my wife she was so impressed with all the things I know how to do. I work on cars and do a lot of projects around the house. My dad was a tinkerer too, and Youtube got so good it was really easy to learn how to do almost anything. So she was really impressed with that, but it always stuck with me that she knows what to do and why she’s doing it, and I never had any feel for that. It’s one of the biggest reasons I married her, actually.
12) What is the last dream you had that you can remember?
That’s easy. It’s the same dream I’ve had since I was a kid. It’s the only one I ever remember. I’m running through an infinite grassy field. My legs are pumping as hard as I can but I’m not moving very fast, more like I’m gliding over the field and my legs are moving me by creating wind resistance. There’s something chasing me, and I know it’s something horrible, even though I can’t see it no matter which direction I look. It gets closer and closer, but even though it’s horrifying, I’m not really that scared. It almost feels like it will be a relief when it catches me. But then, right before it catches me, I reach the edge of a cliff. It comes out of nowhere; I can’t see it, then there it is right in front of my feet. And I jump off the cliff, but not because I’m so afraid of the monster. I just know that it will be okay, so I jump off, and I float down to where there another grassy field below that’s identical to the first. The monster can’t float so it has to look for a way around, and I get ahead again, but then it starts gaining on me once it gets past the cliff, and the whole thing starts over again. That just happens over and over until I wake up.
You have finished the survey. When you are sure you’re satisfied with your answers, please click the submit button, and we will display your results.
SUBMIT
*****
RESULTS:
DISCLOSURE
Now that you havre completed the questionnaire, we are legally obligated to inform you that you have already taken Deleriase. You first applied for the program 23 months ago, and were approved at that time.
All patients treated with Deleriase are given a memory-altering supplement that erases their memory of having applied for and taken the drug. You knew at the time this was going to happen, and you approved it. Please click HERE to see your signature on a legal release and a video of you signing it.
Research has indicated that knowledge of our treatment interferes with the treatment itself. The knowledge that a given level of happiness is the result of chemical supplementation adulterates its effect on the brain, and prevents happiness stabilization from lasting in the long-term. In other words, the conscious mind can overcome the effects of Deleriase if it is aware of the drugs’ workings. Happiness is ultimately subjective.
Reapplication is common, and should not be taken as a sign that the drug is not working. Rather, your reapplication indicates that you need your dose adjusted. Each person experiences a given level of happiness differently. Finding the perfect level of happiness for you is a process.
Thus far you have applied for Deleriase on FOUR occasions. This is your FIFTH application.
On a 1-100 scale, your chosen happiness levels during your first FOUR applications were:
90 - This level was thirteen points above our recommendation for your first attempt
89 - This level was sixteen points above our recommendation for your second attempt.
79 - This level was sixteen points above our recommendation for your third attempt.
51 - This level exactly matched our recommendation for your fourth attempt.
Please note that happiness levels above 90 are not considered safe, and have been shown to interfere with ambition, energy levels, and perceptual stability.
Based on the answers you provided in this questionnaire, as well as your brain scan, we can recommend a happiness level for your next adjustment dose.
Your recommended happiness level is: 59
This recommendation is based on an evaluation by a highly-trained Machine Intelligence. Please note that recommended happiness levels may change between attempts in ways that seem counterintuitive to the human mind. The fact that you reapplied affects the algorithm’s interpretation of your situation.
Click HERE to view your questionnaires for your first FOUR applications, to help in properly judging your desired happiness level with this application.
When you are ready, please type your desired happiness level for this dose of Deleriase on the line below, then press the SUBMIT button.
Desired Happiness Level: __________
SUBMIT
END
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this story, please like, comment, or share with friends. It really helps me out. Have a great week, and I’ll be back next Sunday with something fun!
There is so much to unpack here. Ultimately, this drug is a bandaid solution for the society Peter lives in. Alterations to the Deleriase won’t change the circumstances he is in. The existential horror of this story is great!